How to Save Yourself When You’re Frickin’ Shark Bait
It’s said that you have a better chance of being hit by a meteorite than attacked by a shark, but there’s been a dramatic rise in shark attacks in 2015. Blame global warming. Blame saltier seawater. Blame the ever-increasing amount of time humans spend in the ocean.
The other day a Sydney surfer had a six-foot shark “jump” on his board at Bondi Beach, the creature obviously taking its aerial cues from Sharknado… or Kelly Slater. Who knows? Here’s the bottom line: Have you ever heard of anyone getting hit by a meteorite? Nope. But shark attacks are all over the news, from Australia to the Carolinas.
So what are you going to do if you’re in the middle of the Indian ocean and attracting sharks like a bucket of week old chum?
Duh. Don’t be in the middle of the Indian Ocean.
Boom! Problem solved. Sharks don’t attack humans on land, unless of course they’ve undergone some sort of nuclear-powered, Godzilla-like transformation and sprouted wings or legs or what not. Ocean abstinence is the way to go. Hit the public pool or a freshwater lake. Your chances of survival increase tenfold. The only thing you run the risk of being attacked by at a freshwater lake is a flesh-eating disease, and that kinda’ beats becoming a snack for Jaws.