You know how it goes. You’re hitting the local sweat box to get your swole on when that foxy spinhead pops out of her afternoon sesh, all glistening and confident, and she makes her way to the weights. What a killer commitment, yeesh; you can’t help but be impressed. But you’ve kept your glances casual, right? Even jungle cats are scared off by creepers, bro. And you should be focused on your regimen anyway, going to failure on the pec deck without exception.
So maybe you’re not allowing yourself enough recovery time between sets, but you’re pretty sure that lovely trainer was just giving you the eye. Do people wink in real life? Boom—you’re in, almost. Don’t blow your shot before you’ve even hit the showers, or you’ll be taking a cold one. Brr! Relax. Breakbounce has some quick and easy tips to win over that yogini minx and land you a new personal record. Just follow our lead.
Exercise 1: Be Normal (but not like ‘Austin Powers’ normal.)
Easily the most taxing WOD, being normal and not creepy is the key to winning Ms. Hottbutt’s heart. Remember: you dig on her ‘cause she’s strong, capable and wicked competition on a bike. Don’t talk down to her; don’t offer to lift something heavy; don’t try to impress her with your forced reps. Crying like a toddler when you rip a tendon isn’t endearing, buddy.
She’s seen you finesse a Smith Machine. Skip the weird and go with polite. Offer to buy her a sports drink, and show her you care about her electrolytes. Offer to help re-rack her weights, because no one likes cleaning up.
Exercise 2: Show Honest Interest
Most GTL-ing, fist pumping, grunting weight junkies make the mistake of trying to cover their interest (fear is for quitters, dude) by throwing on the mask of beefitude—a rude, pouty face they think makes them look super duper tough—and intimidating said lady into…what? Running away? Don’t do that, mate, just catch up to her after class, offer her an energy bar and ask if she’s attending that fitness convention this weekend. Maybe, you can carpool?
Exercise 3: Smell Great
This last one is a small but essential recommendation from one sweaty animal to another. It’s the gym, you’re working out and you smell like a wildebeest sweating in the sub-Saharan sun. Try to be the one buck that doesn’t repel with his heinous odour and slap on some Davidoff, shower often, and for offense’s sake, wash your nasty duds. Phew! Slip into some stylish streetwear (hint! hint!!!), and she’ll naturally spend a bit more time around you and less around everyone else.
Obviously you’re totally serious about the gym lifestyle, but you gotta make room for the finer things in life too, homie. If you’re quaking in your trainers over the hottie smiling at you from across the free weight room, suck it up and follow our advice. We promise she’ll appreciate you for more than just your sick squat record.